This is why I drink (Dr. Pepper, that is)

If my day were a movie it would start like this...


Scene
Open on me fully clothed in the shower, covered in gallons of thick, gooey, brown vomit.  At my feet, also in the shower, a naked child also covered in vomit.  I am leaning my head out of the shower pulling shirts off two MORE small children as they attempt to flee.

Me:  No come here, it's going to be so fun!!  Its the shower!  NO NO NO please come back.  I cannot get out of this shower.  Too much vomit.  Come back please.

As I am undressing the second child the first, already naked one, pees all over the floor.

Finally I drag three screaming children into shower and begins to get off vomit soaked clothes.

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How did this all start you may wonder?  Well, it started very angelically actually.  Like this:

Annecy has decided her bedtime should be 10:30.  As an effort to combat such heinous behavior I decided to try denying her a nap.  Well she fell asleep in my arms around 3:00.  About 3:20 she wakes up, looks at me and just starts vomiting all over us, right down my bra and shirt and her chest and diaper.  At first I think I'll just take her in the guest bath for a quick rinse but by the time I reach that tub there is a trail of vomit from the living room to the bathroom and I remember there is no soap in that tub.  Of course my two other children are following closely behind, walking through the vomit trail and further spreading it.  Don't worry though, we have a dog.  He is coming behind them and licking all of it up.

So, I find myself standing in an empty tub, covered in vomit, the kid is still ralphing, I am REALLY close to puking myself from the stench and the sight of the dog licking it all up.  I am realizing I have to NOW get to the OTHER shower in our room where there is soap.  Once the kid is done puking I shake us off just enough that we won't leave more of a trail and head for my shower still holding the vomit queen and being chased by two more.

This brings us to our opening scene.  Me, clothed, shower, vomit, pee, crying.  I can't leave the other two out of the shower bc they can climb on the sink and are likely to fall and crack their heads open so I have to get EVERYONE in the shower.  About 5 minutes later Eric comes home.

Me:  STOP!  DONT MOVE.  THERE IS PEE ALL OVER THE FLOOR RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.  AND THERE IS VOMIT ALL DOWN THE HALL AND ALL OVER THE KIDS BATHROOM.  OH MY GOD.  THANK GOD YOU ARE HERE.

Eric: Whoa.  What is happening here?

Eric goes to get lysol wipes to take care of the pee.  Then moves on to the hall and bathroom.  I get everyone washed and start shampooing my own vomit filled hair.  Then...

I look down.  Oh no.  no.  nononononononono.

Me: EEEEEERRRRRIIICCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!!!!

Me (to kids):  NO NO NO NO PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH IT.  Go, get out.  NO.  Do not touch the poop.  Who pooped????  Oh god.

Eric comes rushing in.

Me: Towel 'em off, I'll get the poop!

Three soaking wet children racing out of the shower screaming.  Me telling Eric to check their butts, check their butts.  I flush the 'situtation', wash the bottom of the shower with soap and lysol and FINALLY get to actually wash my hair.

This happened in about 20 minutes.  Can you imagine if I told you about my entire day?